


Temporary (Permanently)

by BroodyJC



Series: The Luthor's Rules [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 02:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroodyJC/pseuds/BroodyJC
Summary: “I’m sorry for waking you. I’ll stop crying.”“You don’t have to.” Kara didn’t look at her. “You don’t have to apologize, or stop crying, in fact. Tears are our body's way of saying we need to let go of some things, emotions we kept inside for too long.”“What if we can’t stop it?”“Then we cry for as long as we have to. It’s not a way of showing weakness, far from it. You have to be so brave to show how much you’re feeling.”Jamie didn’t try to stop after that. Kara didn’t leave.





	Temporary (Permanently)

**Author's Note:**

> Just because I really missed writing this
> 
> Have a nice reading

Jamie hated crying. Above it all, Jamie hated crying in front of people, especially people she didn’t know. There was a problem, though, because there always was. Jamie hated crying, she hated doing it in front of new people and she hated moving out again, and again, and again. The equation was very simple to solve. It was, after all, her first night in a new foster home. 

 _Temporary_. The word came easily to her mind. She was used to it after her mother died, and they never spent too long in the same place before going back. To the cycle begin once again. 

It  _was_  different this time. Because after a quiet dinner, where neither Kara nor Lena tried too hard to include her, preferring, instead, leaving her to interact when she felt comfortable enough (it never happened, if you didn’t count her smile towards Krypto), Lena had gotten up and motioned for her to follow. She did it without questioning, it was something she had learnt. 

The touch between her shoulder blades should be comforting, soothing, and it was all of that. It was warm. But her back was still sore, the wince coming out of her mouth before she could understand what had happened. Lena retracted her hand, eyes set forward,  _I’m sorry, I won’t do it again_. The apology was at the tip of her tongue, but Lena only smiled sadly as if she knew. Jamie wanted to cry right there. 

She didn’t. And forced herself to take another step. The difference came when they stopped in front of a half-opened door. Lena told her to go in, and she did, the lights flicked on. The walls were painted light blue, the pattern of white stars going from the ground straight to the ceiling. The bed was on the corner, right below the window, a nightstand by its side, a small desk and its chair in front of it, a couple of lampshades in front of it. It was easy recognizing her backpack on top of the bed, the small wardrobe covered the other wall. 

Jamie took a step closer. 

“We didn’t have much time to decorate, I’m sorry. We were expecting the process to be a little longer and we’re only moving to our house by the end of the month. We had to improvise a little at the apartment.”  

She didn’t feel the need to say this didn’t feel like improvised at all. In fact, it was better than anything she’d been in the past years. She didn’t say it. She had learnt keeping quiet saved her from lots of trouble. 

“Uh, the bathroom is the last door to the right, if you’d like to take a shower, there are towels at the bottom drawer. Kara and I stay at the room in front of it, so if you need anything don’t hesitate to go there.” 

“And Kyle?” 

“He’s staying in the room right in front of yours.” Lena gave her one last smile before setting a straight line to leave. “Oh, if you don’t want to wake up with a dog sleeping on top of you or licking your face, just close the door. Jax doesn’t understand boundaries. Kinda like Kara, actually.” 

Two hours after that, Jamie found herself lying on the bed she was going to call hers for who knew how long before she had to go once again. And it was hard keeping the first tear away.  

She lied on her right side, her good side, and one of the flamingo-shaped lampshades was moved to the nightstand by her side and flicked on to keep the darkness out. The sob came without a warning and she tried to cover her mouth to keep the sound from being heard. 

A minute passed, then two. There were no footsteps, none heavy anyway. And when she thought she had gotten away with it, she heard it. A light scratch at the door, followed by a whine. The low thud came no longer after, just like the hesitant knock on the door. 

Jamie tugged the duvet closer to her chest, tried to make herself even smaller on the bed. The knock came again, louder and more insistent this time. 

“Jamie?” It was Kara. The scratch came again, for longer this time. “Can I come in?” 

“Yeah.” 

The first inch opened slowly, but then grey fur appeared, the head pushing it open as fast as it could, paws clicking against the floor as Krypto approached where she was lying. He stopped two steps away, lied down to rest his head at his front paws.  

Kara came in more carefully, leaving the door ajar, the hem of her grey sweatpants folded at her ankles, white t-shirt hanging at one of her shoulders, to stop at the same distance as Krypto, before she did pretty much the same. She sat down on the floor, Krypto crawled after her until his head found her thigh, her hand went straight to the back of his ear. 

As the minutes passed, Jamie forced herself to cry lesser. Until she found her voice. Kara didn’t seem in a rush to get her to talk, opposite to it, in fact, but it was late and Kara had to work. She shouldn’t have to be a burden. 

“I’m sorry for waking you. I’ll stop crying.” 

“You don’t have to.” Kara didn’t look at her. “You don’t have to apologize, or stop crying, in fact. Tears are our body's way of saying we need to let go of some things, emotions we kept inside for too long.” 

“What if we can’t stop it?” 

“Then we cry for as long as we have to. It’s not a way of showing weakness, far from it. You have to be so brave to show how much you’re feeling.” 

Jamie didn’t try to stop after that. Kara didn’t leave.  

Next morning, she woke up with paws at her arm and hot breath to her face. Jax didn’t understand personal space, indeed. 

(Kara was still there, as well, sleeping on the floor with Krypto curled around her feet. They didn’t mention it.) 

** 

Saturday mornings, for the past four months, meant going down the two flights of stairs to have breakfast made by Lena just before eight am, sitting next to Kara on the table as she pretended that she understood what the two of them talked about.  

Kyle was usually up late those days, Lena never minded, as long as he went to bed on time for school on Sundays. Then, she would go outside to play with the dogs or read on the hammock, waiting until it was time for lunch, the first time of the day she usually saw her brother.  

Her afternoon would be spent sharing Lena’s table on her study, as she went over her week’s homework, asking for help every once in a while, while the other woman went over stacks and more stacks of paper. Kyle went over his time mostly quiet, lying on cushions placed on the corner of the room, drawing as the dogs slept next to him. 

Evenings meant nights out. Kara would come home from work barely after four, the time Kyle would give up on not spending his energy and went out with Kara to play some more, Jax would usually follow. And they went to nice walks on parks, dined on Kara’s favorite restaurants, visited Lena’s favorite museums, watched movies on the theaters (usually Kyle and Kara were happier those nights), had game nights with Alex, Sam and Ruby, and, the three times Kara couldn’t join them for getting held back at work, Lena even took them to L-Corp. It was theirs. 

Somewhere, in the past months, Kyle turned five. It was the first time he got to blow candles and make a wish, he hugged Lena after that, thanking her for everything. (Kara went to her room that night without second thought, her lampshade still on next to her head, threw the pillow by the foot of her bed and settled down, Krypto trailing silently after her. Jamie didn’t mention the fact that she could hear Kara crying beside her.) 

Somewhere, in the past months, Lena insisted on letting her decorate her own room choosing her own bed, choosing the books she would like to read, and even the clothes she would like to have. For the first time in too long for just a kid, it felt like home. 

Jamie wasn’t so naïve to think it would be like that forever. 

(Her backpack with the clothes she had when she first arrived was still stored under her bed, waiting for the day they would have to leave in a hurry as it always happened. 

Eight months were approaching very fast, after all, and Jamie knew what it meant. Even if the couple was just as nice as Kara and Lena were.) 

That morning, though, Jamie went down the stairs sooner than she usually did. She wanted to finish her book, after all, and the faster she finished breakfast, the faster she could go back to it. 

She knew she should’ve expected to see Lena and Kara sharing one of the few moments alone they had in between work, home, two foster ( _temporary_ ) kids, two dogs, family, life. What she didn’t expect was to see a flash of red and blue standing in the middle of the leaving room, hands on Lena’s waist as the woman leaned up for a kiss. 

Jamie ran upstairs as fast as she could. She knew they both heard her, Lena didn’t try to talk to her even after she missed the meals. 

That afternoon, she forced herself out of her bedroom, notebooks pressed tightly to her chest. Lena’s voice was calm when she knocked on the dark wood door, Jamie got in hesitantly, to receive, as usual, a warm smile and a nod of confirmation. She sat on the chair opposite from her.  

Kyle joined them a while later, but, in no more than 20 minutes, he had fallen asleep with Jax next to his head and a fistful of grey fur on his right hand. The chuckle made her stare at Lena. She would have to bring it up sometime, might as well be now. 

“Miss Lena?” Green eyes stared at her, a glint of happiness shining on them before disappearing as fast as it came. She cleared her throat, adjusted herself on the chair. “About this morning, please don’t leave Miss Kara, I don’t want to go back to the system, and I won’t tell Miss Kara about Supergirl, just please don’t leave her I” 

“Jamie” her voice was soft, fingers playing with the pen she had around her fingertips “I’ll have to stop you right there. You don’t have to say anything, okay?” She gave one last look over to where Kyle was, before she got up. “Come with me, I have to show you something.” 

 _She’s going to call the social worker and tell her she doesn’t want me anymore. She’s going to separate Kyle and I._  

When they went the opposite way of the stairs and, in consequence, further away from the landline, a more terrorizing thought went over her mind. 

 _She’s going to hit me._  

She sucked in a breath, a shiver went down her spine. The door to Kara and Lena’s room was opened by her, Lena stopped next to the bed. 

“Can you do me a favor, sweetie?”  _How can she be so_ _calm_ _for what she is going to do next?_   _None of the others ever were._ Lena put a hand over her prominent belly. “Can you grab a box under the bed, this is a bigger obstacle than I thought it would be.” 

Jamie did as she was told, and kneeling in the middle of her foster moms’ bedroom, the only room of the house, aside from Kara’s gym, she never dared entering, for the first time, with a black box in front of her, she felt the urge to cry once again. This time, not out of pain, but out of fear. She never thought that would be a feeling associated with Lena. 

“Open it, please.” 

That was how she found herself staring at a very familiar S, in a blue costume and red cape. Relief washed over her chest, the abrupt change of feelings made the tears fall without her consent. She looked over her shoulder to Lena. 

Kara sometimes couldn’t join them on the evenings, Kara sometimes got home really late on week nights, usually when there were rogue aliens on the loose, Kara preferred staying outside, especially when there was sun to kiss her skin, Kara ate more than it was possible for any human being, Kara sometimes forgot people were watching and lifted Jax under one arm and Krypto under the other. 

Kara had a dog named Krypto.  

“Do you understand it now?” She got up faster than she thought it was possible and threw her hands around Lena’s middle, face buried against her stomach. The sound of surprise was quickly replaced by calming noises, hands touching her back and running down in a soothing way, once she felt warm tears against her skin. “Kara and I wanted to tell you on your birthday, because you would be mature enough to understand everything that this implies.” 

“I’m sorry, Miss Lena, I’m so, so sorry.” 

“What are you apologizing for, love?” 

Fingers found the base of her skull, the light movement barely messing the locks of brown hair there. 

“I thought you were going to get rid of me, I thought, I thought...” 

She felt the touch against her cheek, looked up as Lena cradled her jawline, thumb brushed away the tears that marked her skin. 

“Jamie, I will never, ever, do anything to hurt you. And, I promise you, nothing and no one is ever going to hurt you again.” 

They didn’t go out that night. There was takeout ordered in and Jamie curled herself around Lena on the couch as they watched the TV on the minimum volume. She woke up in Kara’s arms as they went upstairs and was ready to be place on her bed when Kara went straight ahead to her own bedroom. 

Lena laid there, fingers brushing the hair out of Kyle’s face as he slept. She was place between her brother and Lena, her arm protectively set over her body and she felt another weight on top of it. Kara had reached out to do the same. It was the best night of sleep she had in her life. 

( _Temporary._ ) 

** 

Lena never got days off work, no matter what. That was something Jamie came to the conclusion on watching the woman for almost five months. No matter how bad the weather was, no matter how tired she appeared to be, no matter how many things she had to do at home, no matter how many things she needed to do for Kara, or Kyle, or her, Lena Danvers-Luthor never missed a day of work.  

But, with the last weeks of her pregnancy right around the corner, she had no energy to fight, finding herself growing more tired faster and faster, an over protective Kara, nor a very angry Alex, nor a very concerned Sam. And so, she stayed at home, with Sam being the one responsible of bringing any pressing matters to Lena at the end of the day as they sat on the couch and caught up. 

Ruby used came along. Jamie rather liked Ruby. Even with the little more than two years difference, they got along, and Jamie got her first real friend. (She was never much of a people’s person, so she didn’t even bother at school.) 

Lena having weeks off and summer vacation having started, only meant Jamie got to spend a lot of time at home ( _home?_ ) going over everything they could do over summer to pass the time. (Lena had promised her she would teach her how to build a robot, she didn’t get her hopes up.) 

Today was no exception. They sat in relative silence on the living room, the night having arrived slowly as it usually did, Kyle having called in a day after his fifth yawn in a row. Lena readjusted herself, Jamie closed her book and set it down on her lap.  

“Sorry.” 

“Is everything okay Lena?” 

“Luke is kicking very much and very hard this night. It’s a little uncomfortable, but nothing I can’t handle.” 

Jamie nodded. She opened her mouth, closed it then tugged at her book. 

“Do you want to ask me something, love?” 

“Can I feel it?” 

The answer she got was Lena sitting up straight, and pointing to the place in front of her. Jamie didn’t waste any time on kneeling on the ground.  

Slowly, but surely, Lena guided her hand to her stomach, placing her open palm on the left side and waiting. It didn’t take long to feel something moving, it was weird, it felt different from anything she’s ever touched before, but she smiled towards Lena, earning a smile back.  

( _You know what comes next._  

 _Couple gets their son, they don’t want the fosters anymore._  

 _It happened before._ ) 

Jamie excused herself after that. 

The light on her lampshade had just been turned off when there was a knock on her door. They didn’t wait for a response this time, Krypto appearing before, with a very tired looking Kara behind him. 

The pillow was already thrown at the floor when she reacted. 

“Kara?” Blue eyes found her. 

She tugged her duvet up and away, wriggled around in bed to create some space only to see Kara smile brightly at her. She got in without a second of hesitation. 

“Thank you, Jamie, I needed this.” Jamie curled her body next to Kara’s side, head resting peacefully at her shoulder. “Night, hon.” 

“Goodnight, Kara.” 

** 

There would always come a moment in their stays on foster homes in which the families they spend their months with, usually couples who couldn’t have their own children or had given up on the idea, would miraculously have their child. Jamie always got happy for them, because she could see the joy on their faces as they held  _their_  baby.  

She got less happy, when not too long after, they would sit down with her and her brother to tell them  _We stayed with you because we couldn’t have ours, now that we do, we’re passing you forward_. They were usually more tactile than that. It didn’t mean that wasn’t the true meaning behind those words. 

Of course, those were the good homes. The ones she shared a bedroom only with her brother and not another two kids, the ones they remembered your name, the ones they actually cared and wanted her. For a while, at least. 

As Kara led them through the hospital hallway, white over white, the scent making her stomach feel sick, or maybe it was the certainty of what was to come next ( _the talk_ ), each hand holding one of theirs and she knew, without having to look at her brother, she knew he thought the same. 

Lena looked tired, more than she was even during the last week of her pregnancy, which wasn’t a very nice look on her, not that it came near bad, anyways. And there was a mass of black hair held against her chest, and Jamie knew that look. She knew that look very well.  

It was the  _my_ _child_  look. It was the confirmation that they didn’t need to go to a random person’s kid to have a family of their own. It was the look that told Jamie her days were over with them. 

But Lena smiled at the three of them, and, when Lena smiled, nothing else seemed to matter. ( _Maybe that’s what meant loving someone, maybe that’s what she was going to lose once she had to leave._ )  

It took her while to realize Kara was talking to her, but she repeated her words nevertheless. 

“Do you want to hold him, sweetheart?” 

“Can I?”  

It was in a tone of surprise that she realized she wanted to do it, she actually wanted to, because somewhere in all the time she spent with Lena, the sentiment she nourished for the woman had extended for the little boy she had with her. And she wanted him to be happy, the happiest her could, actually, even if it meant she wouldn’t be around. 

Kara placed him on her arms, helped her getting the position of her hands right to cradle his head high enough, and she could only stare. 

He was the most fragile thing she ever held, her was so light, so pure. Luke made a little noise as she turned his head and she couldn’t hold back the gasp. She smiled at him. And, without thinking too much about it, she whispered. 

“I’m going to take care of your for as long as I can, Luke. Welcome to the family, little bro.” 

Even if it only meant a couple of days. Or weeks. Or months. 

(She thought back to the backpack under her bed.) 

** 

 _Not on my birthday, please,_ _any day_ _but today._  

But she followed Kara and Lena from the backyard, Kyle trailing behind her, his little hand easily finding hers as he knew what was to come. 

Apparently, she was right about how long it would take. It took them less than two months to find the words  _We need to have a talk_  tumbling out of Kara's mouth Lena had glared at Kara from the other side of their backyard, and the blonde only held her hands up in the air before leaving the grill from the barbecue. 

They went inside. Jamie already knew what they were going to say, she already knew how she was going to answer. Thanking for the best months of her life since her mother passed away. Thanking them for showing her there were still kind people out there. But even kindness had a limit, and they had reached theirs. She wouldn’t say that last part. They didn’t deserve hearing that after everything they’ve done for them. 

It was going to hurt so much telling them goodbye, especially if she had to relive this memory of her twelfth birthday for the rest of her life.  _Not today, just not today, wait until tomorrow_. 

But Lena had already passed Luke to Kara’s arms, she cooed and shushed him as she slurped, left a light kiss to his forehead. When she turned around, she had a couple of papers in hand, and Jamie didn’t have to read them, she had seen those too many times in her life. 

And Lena was fidgeting, she never fidgeted, which meant nothing good could come out of this. There was news, and they wouldn’t like it. 

“Well, Kara and I have been talking for the past months, and we know it’s very soon, since you weren’t supposed to stay with us for so more than a couple of weeks, and, still, you’ve been with us for a very short amount of time, if you consider it’s been less than a year” 

“Lena?” Jamie squeezed her brother’s hand when she heard his voice, Lena nodded for him to continue talking. “It’s okay. We’ve heard it before. Thank you for letting us stay, even if you don’t want us anymore.” 

That did it. Lena’s brow furrowed, Kara stopped nervously playing with Luke to stare at both of them, mouth hanging open. Jamie couldn’t stand it, her eyes found the floor and she refused to look up. 

Goodbyes were never easy, goodbyes took a part of her she preferred keeping with her for the rest of her life. But it was necessary, because it wasn’t their choice. If Kara and Lena didn’t want them, they didn’t have a chance to ask the contrary. 

Light jeans appeared on her field of vision, suddenly there were fingers brushing her cheek and green eyes wet with tears running down, and Lena was shaking her head, and it was too much. Because this should hurt Kyle and herself, Lena did not get the right to be sad. 

Her mouth was open to say those words, when Lena talked, her words cracked and Jamie never seen her like that before. 

“You think we don’t want you anymore? How could we not? You were the best things that ever happened in my life, right on top with Luke and Kara.” She laughed, kissed both of their cheeks. “We wanted to know if we can start the adoption paperwork. Do you understand what it means?” 

“I get to have your last name? Like Luke?” 

“Yeah, Kyle, that’s it, if you want to, of course.” Lena looked at them in a way Jamie had seen before but never towards herself. Lena looked at them as if saying  _these, right here, are_ my _kids_. “You’ve been with us for over six months, so we can legally start it, but it will mean you’re stuck with us for as long as you’d want. It’s our way of promising you we don’t want you to leave. Ever.” 

“You” Jamie started, cleared her throat and forced her eyes to find Lena’s and stay there “you want to adopt us? We don’t have to go back?” 

“Not ever if you don’t want to.” 

Jamie threw her arms around Lena, buried her face on her neck and exhaled.  _Home_ , she thought.  _Staying_.  _Permanent_. 

“I love you, Lena.” 

“I love you too, sweetheart.” 

(She thought back to her backpack under her bed ( _hers_ ), to the change of clothes she kept there in case they had to leave fast. 

It was the first time she would have to place all of her clothes in her wardrobe.  _Home_. She wouldn’t have to leave, not anymore. Kara and Lena wanted them, they were family. 

 _Family._  

 _Permanently._ ) 

Jamie threw her backpack away. 

( _Permanently._ )

**Author's Note:**

> As usually, you can find me on tumblrs: @broodyJC


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